in the last hour, i've read 3 emails from 3 very different friends from 3 very different parts of my life... and in the last hour, i have started to feel really small... (2. Limited in force or significance, or 3. Limited in degree or scope or 10. Lacking force or volume - dictionary.com)
one of my friends is getting married in less than a month... to me that is so huge... huge... a major life decision where she will actually be a grown up... (not that she doesn't act like a grown up now...) it's a big deal... the excitement and joy that come with getting married... wow... i don't really know what that feels like... i feel small... (definition #2, maybe 3)
one of my friends is moving... she is married and has a 3-year old little boy who is about the cutest thing ever... she and her husband (who are so incredibly cool) are opening a clothes shop/place to have shows in a cool old building... they have been wanting to move for some time and are finally really getting their dream (at least that's my take on it)... she'll be able to go back to school and they'll be close to family... they are going to be living their dream... there's this sense of permanence that i get from her emails... i don't know where i'm going to be living in a couple of months... i feel small... (definition #3, maybe 2)
another one of my friends just returned from a summer at camp... i love camp and missed it this year, even though i know my Daddy had other things planned for me... (and i get to go to camp for a week, too...) to hear her stories about camp and read what she is going through on her blog, i was taken aback... even brought to tears... to read about how God has taken her so far in the last 4 years... and to have known her and seen her grow through the last 2 has been amazing... she is a constant encouragement to me and one of the best friends i have ever had... i feel like i am a drain on her and that i learn from her, spiritually, but feel so incredibly weak, spiritually... i know i am in seminary, but i am still overwhelmed at how far "behind" i feel... i feel small... (definition #10)
i don't know how else to describe it... i feel a definite need, hunger, desparation for my Daddy, Abba.. i feel so weak, small...
Big Boo Cast: Episode 436
6 hours ago
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2 comments:
ok girl. there is about to be a cheer up/you are amazing/i miss you/i miss you/i miss you/you are definitely not small to anyone who knows you package in the mail tomorrow. i really believe that you are one of the "biggest" people i know. you have left home a million times to love on all kinds of people around the world. i have always thought so highly of you and your ambition, and your life, and everything around you.
i understand the feeling of smallness too, though. i think it comes and goes for everyone. i think it keeps us real, and lets us see God's control.
anyways, i should have probably written this in an email.. but i have already written it here.
xoxo,
marie
robyn,
whatever dude! you are so incredibly encouraging to me. i love your guts! just look at how far you've come since mobile and stop the crazy talk. let me spell it out for you...
1. china
2. moving across the country
3. starting seminary
4. making new friends
5. finding a new church
6. finding a new "family"
7. totally relying on God to provide
you fill the rest out yourself.
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